Hot on the Calendar: The Case for Scheduled Sex
It’s not about routine — it’s about making time for what matters.

Published: August 1, 2025

Tags: Relationships Sexual Wellness Communications

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Spoiler: You don’t have to wait for the mood to strike. Sometimes, the sexiest thing is making space for it — on purpose.

Let’s Talk About the Sex Schedule

I know, I know… movies and porn make it look like sex starts because your partner does something hot and then you just have to have each other right then and there (dinner on the stove be damned.) Let’s be honest here, that’s great and all… But I’m not burning the dinner to have sex on the counter… I love food too. And while Wolf does some sexy things and I will look at him and think “yummy” that doesn’t mean spontaneous sex is a realistic goal for most people, myself included. We have lives, deadlines, chores, children and many many things that often get in the way.

Real life is messy, and hectic, and sometimes we need to set aside time to spend with the people we love. Our parents, our kids, our friends, we make time for all of the people who matter to us, so why should our partners be any different? We should make time for them too!

The Myths and Misconceptions Around Scheduled Sex

There’s a misconception about “scheduled sex” and it makes perfect sense, but scheduled sex doesn’t actually mean writing “sex with partner” in the 2pm on Tuesday spot on your calendar…

Yeah, I can get why that doesn’t seem sexy. As members of modern society there are a lot of drains on our time and energy, and even more distractions to fill any gaps left. Needing and/or wanting to set aside time to be with your partner is no indication of your spark in my eyes. Just because you lead busy draining lives doesn’t mean you love your partner any less and wanting to schedule time to be together is the opposite of a concern honestly.

The stigma around scheduling sex is honestly so hurtful when you consider how literally everything else in our lives is something we schedule to make time for, but somehow doing it with our partners is considered bad? That’s the biggest load of crap I’ve heard in a while. Date nights have been around for decades and no one bats an eye at those. So call it a date, it sounds better and who says it cant start that way anyway.

Why Scheduled Sex Can Actually Be Amazing

You don’t wait to feel hungry to make dinner — you plan ahead. Intimacy with your partner deserves that same kind of thoughtful attention. Scheduling intimacy doesn’t mean your relationship is broken — it means you’re prioritizing your connection. And when done right, it can be deeply rewarding, exciting, and even hot.

I know I’m not the only one to have experienced periods where I just never seem to line up with my partner… when he’s in the mood, I’m not, and vice versa. Man it sucks, but scheduling can help with that! If you wait for both of you to be in the mood, it more often than not leads to nothing. That can be disheartening. If you set time aside, you remove the guesswork of “I’m in the mood are you?” and the potential let down. And if you add in a little work ahead of time you will likely arrive at your time in the mood. 😇

One word: anticipation oh yes… anticipation is a hell of a weapon… And Wolf using it should be considered a war crime. 😂 Think about and talk about things you want to do, what you are looking forward to. Flash back to your horny teenager years and tease each other all day. Knowing glances and thoughts of what’s to come (hopefully you 😜) can really help ramp up the heat. Sending “what I want to do to you” texts and flirty comments ahead of time can go a long way towards building that anticipation and help you arrive hot and ready at your date with pleasure together.

Having a predetermined time in mind also allows you to make sure that time is free from distractions or interruptions that could potentially kill your mood. Having preparation time also allows for trying new things. Try that new toy, plan out that roleplay fantasy, set up candles and roses, whatever your heart desires because you now have ✨PREP TIME✨.

Just like regular date nights help keep the romance alive, consistent intimacy keeps physical and emotional closeness from becoming an afterthought in our busy lives. Scheduling sex doesn’t make it routine, it makes it reliable, which can lead to a sense of safety in your relationship and be incredibly hot.

Schedule yourself some time, no distractions, no rushing, no waiting for everything to land just right so you can steal that moment. When you carve out that time for intimacy, you’re also giving yourselves permission to slow down, tune in, and really BE with each other.

What Everyone Really Wants to Know (and Honest Answers)

“What if we’re not in the mood when the time comes?”

That’s okay, it’s just a reserved spot of time! Do something else with it instead, and raincheck for a better time. Just because you aren’t in the mood for sex doesn’t mean you can’t use this time for things that aren’t sex.

“Isn’t this just one step away from obligation?”

If you treat it like one, it will become one. Instead of thinking of it like an obligation, think of it more as time you’ve both set aside to be with each other. Life is messy, busy, and full of unexpected turns of events, setting aside time specifically to spend with each other ensures you get their full attention and only reinforces how important your relationship is to each other. Also that “No” is always a valid answer, scheduling it does NOT make it a requirement. Sometimes knowing that you can say no, makes it easier to say yes.

“How do I bring it up with my partner without it sounding like a complaint?”

Asking to schedule some time to spend together alone is a great place to start, it doesn’t add any performance anxiety or time limit feeling like say “can we have sex at 8pm?” It also leaves you both open to spend that time together however you feel like at the time. If the time rolls around and you aren’t feeling up for a sex marathon, consider engaging in some warm sex and still achieving that connection and intimacy without all the expended energy.

“Can this help us reconnect sexually?”

Setting aside time specifically to spend time with your partner without interruption is always a good idea, whether it’s to enjoy a movie, eat a good meal, or have some intimate sexy time. Making time to spend together will always increase connection.

How to Keep Scheduled Sex Romantic, Not Routine

Remember to be flexible, I know we are talking about “scheduled” sex, but things don’t always go to plan. Hard days, bad news, and even bad moods can all spring up and ruin the best laid plans.

Remember that the goal is intimacy and connection and sometimes when those things strike, the most intimate and connected thing you can do is be understanding. Cuddles, movies, or quiet talks can be just as important in times like those. Remembering that the sex part of this isn’t required can really take the pressure and dread off on days when you just don’t want to anymore and that helps this feel like less of an obligated routine.

The mindset about this idea is super important to its success. If you or a partner doesn’t want to do this, it has likely already failed. Setting requirements on something you don’t want to do is the best way to make you hate or resent it. If scheduling “sex time” is something you or your partner don’t like, then don’t, it’s the goal that matters and not the act. Just schedule together time, use it however you like together, if sex ends up happening then that’s great! If sex doesn’t happen that time, that’s fine too, you did something together, just the two of you and that will increase connection too.

Make sure that you both really have time for the time you have scheduled, no “wham bam thank you ma’am” is allowed here. This is about showing up and being there with your partner, making time to be with just them shows how much you mean to each other. Running out of that like your tail is on fire is probably not how you should end it. Have some post sex snuggles and stay awhile.

If you think any sort of scheduled time is maybe too much, or just want a way to explain what times are not good times, I’ve got something for that too! I recently heard this amazing episode of the Just Between Us podcast that introduced me to a new idea. A way to say I’m in the mood but that there is a time limit on when is a good time, she calls it the “Cinderella Rule” which I just love LMAO because I will in fact turn into a pumpkin. And it’s a great way to say I’m having a good day and I could be in the mood, but I need to make dinner/get a good night’s sleep/have an interruption at this time and it’s no longer on the table. “Hey honey, I’m gonna be a pumpkin at 8 tonight, I have a morning meeting.” is a great stress free way to convey that you won’t be in the mood past that time because you have to sleep.

Tips for Talking to Your Partner About Scheduling Sex

Here are some helpful tips for talking to your partner.

• Frame it as prioritizing connection Try: “We make time for everything else, I want us to make time for us too”
• Lead with love, not lack Focus on what you want more of (“I miss being close to you”), rather than what’s missing (“We never have sex anymore”).
• Make it a shared idea, not a demand Ask: “Would you be open to trying this together for a couple weeks and seeing how it feels?”
• Be open to their feelings Give them space to react honestly. Listen without rushing to convince them.
• Start small Start with a planned date if you aren’t doing that already. Make it clear that you’ve left time after the date as well.
• Share what you are excited about Mention the anticipation, the chance to try new things, or the idea of having uninterrupted time just for each other.
• Change up the environment Try going to an AirBNB or a hotel room after a dinner or get wild and pick up a day use hotel room just for a change of scenery.

Sex is something we should put in our schedule

In a life where we are surrounded by obligations and distractions it’s important to make time for our loved ones and scheduling some sexy time is important. It doesn’t have to be an obligation or just part of the routine, and you don’t have to keep waiting for a good time. You can create ones yourself by scheduling a time to have a great time together. The scheduled time together can be fun, relaxing and even romantic which will help you feel more connected as a couple. If this seems like something you want to try, it certainly can’t hurt!

We’ll be doing more articles and blogs on experiences here on The Strawberry Patch so be sure to check back soon, until then… Make sure to put some sex on your calendars!

Strawberry Angel 🍓😇