How to Use Sex Toys with Your Partner
A Beginner’s Guide to Fun and Intimacy

Published: August 18, 2025

Tags: Relationships Sexual Wellness Communication Sex Toys

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If you’ve ever wondered how to use sex toys with your partner, you’re not alone. Here’s how to explore them together in a way that feels fun, safe, and deeply connecting.

Why Try Sex Toys with a Partner?

Sex toys aren’t just for solo pleasure—they can be an amazing way to enhance intimacy, spark curiosity, and create new shared experiences with your partner. Still, it’s normal to feel a little nervous about bringing toys into the bedroom.

This beginner’s guide will show you how to talk about toys, choose your first couple-friendly options, and use them in ways that strengthen both your physical and emotional connection.

Starting the Conversation About Sex Toys

Talking about sex toys with your partner might feel awkward at first, but the key is to keep the conversation open, light, and pressure-free. With the right approach, you can introduce the idea in a way that sparks curiosity, eases insecurities, and sets clear boundaries for a positive experience.

Pick the Right Moment

Choose a relaxed time to bring it up—outside the bedroom is often best. Suggesting toys should feel as casual as suggesting a new date night activity.

Lead with Curiosity, Not Pressure

Instead of making it a demand, frame it as an idea to explore together: “I read about couples using toys, and it sounded fun. Want to try it sometime?”

Address Common Insecurities

Reassure your partner that toys don’t replace them—they add variety. What excites you most is trying something new with them.

Set Boundaries Together

Discuss what feels comfortable before you begin:

• Which areas of the body are okay to explore?
• Should you start with external stimulation only?
• Are there certain toy types (like anal or kink gear) to save for later?

Toys for Long-Distance Relationships

Being apart doesn’t mean you have to miss out on intimacy. Thanks to modern technology, long-distance sex toys make it possible to stay connected, playful, and present for each other—no matter how many miles are in between.

How Remote-Controlled Toys Work

App-enabled toys let one partner control sensations from anywhere in the world. Some even sync with video calls or each other, so one partner feels what the other does in real time.

Benefits Beyond Sexual Pleasure

• Keeps intimacy alive across distance.
• Adds playfulness to video chats or sexting.
• Strengthens emotional connection when apart.

Popular Long-Distance Toy Types

• Vibrators and insertables with remote control apps.
• Strokers and sleeves that sync with content or a partner’s toy.
• Couple sets designed to connect in real time.

Tips for Success

Test the app first, start slow, and use toys as part of a bigger intimacy routine. That way, the focus is less on the gadget itself and more on staying close as a couple.

Choosing Your First Sex Toys as a Couple

When it comes to your first toy, less is more. Beginner-friendly toys are simple, approachable, and designed to add a spark without overwhelming either partner. The right choice can set the stage for fun and confidence as you explore together.

What Makes a Toy Beginner-Friendly?

• Simple to use (minimal buttons or apps).
• Non-intimidating in size.
• Versatile enough to work in multiple situations.

Best Starter Toys for Couples

• Mini Vibrators or Bullets: Easy to use during foreplay or intercourse.
• Cock Rings: Enhance erections and prolong pleasure; some vibrate for shared stimulation.
• Couples’ Toys: Worn during sex to deliver shared sensations.

👉 Remember: your first toy is about exploration, not perfection. Start simple and build from there.

How to Use Sex Toys Together

Once you’ve chosen a toy, the next step is figuring out how to weave it naturally into your intimacy. Whether during foreplay, oral, or penetration, toys can add variety and deepen connection when used with playfulness and communication.

You don’t have to wait until penetration to bring out a toy. A small vibrator, for example, can heighten arousal by teasing erogenous zones like the inner thighs, nipples, or perineum. During oral sex, adding a vibrator against your partner’s body can layer sensation without taking focus away from you. And during intercourse, toys like cock rings or couples’ vibrators can create shared pleasure, enhancing the experience for both of you.

The key is to make toy play a shared activity rather than something one person does to the other. Take turns holding or guiding the toy, experiment together, and don’t be afraid to laugh if things feel awkward at first. Treat it as playful discovery rather than a performance.

Because toys bring in new sensations, it’s important to check in with each other as you go. Simple questions like “Does this feel good?” or “Want me to turn it up or slow down?” keep the moment connected and help you find what works best. These small moments of communication build trust and intimacy, making toys an extension of your closeness instead of a distraction.

Emotional and Relationship Benefits of Sex Toys

The value of sex toys goes far beyond physical sensation. For many couples, toys actually ease the pressure that can sometimes creep into intimacy. They take the focus off performance—whether that means staying hard, orgasming “on time,” or trying to meet unspoken expectations—and instead create space to relax and enjoy the experience together.

Toys can also help bridge mismatched libidos, keeping both partners engaged even if their levels of desire don’t always line up. For example, they can extend pleasure for one person while allowing the other to feel included and connected, making sex more balanced and satisfying for both.

Beyond physical benefits, exploring toys creates moments of teamwork and play. Trying something new together, laughing at the awkward parts, and celebrating what feels good builds intimacy in unexpected ways. It’s not just about the climax—it’s about the shared vulnerability and discovery.

When viewed this way, toys become more than accessories. They act as tools for connection, symbols of trust, and reminders that you and your partner are willing to stay curious about each other. That willingness to explore together is often the most intimate benefit of all.

Expanding Your Exploration

After your first successful experience, it’s natural to want to keep experimenting. The best way to explore is gradually, so you can stay curious without feeling overwhelmed.

Take time after each session to reflect on what worked and what didn’t. Talk with your partner about which sensations felt good, whether a toy worked best during foreplay or intercourse, and what you might want to adjust next time. These conversations guide your next steps and deepen your understanding of each other’s desires.

When adding variety, build on what you already know you like. If a bullet vibrator was a hit, you might try a wand for stronger intensity. If a basic cock ring enhanced pleasure, experiment with vibrating or textured versions. And if external stimulation is your comfort zone, dual-stimulation or app-connected toys could be the next step.

Modern toys also offer features like remote control, custom vibration patterns, or interactive play with content. These can be exciting additions once you’re comfortable with the basics, but there’s no need to rush. Introduce one new toy at a time, explore it fully, and enjoy the process before moving on.

Exploring toys together is less about collecting gadgets and more about staying playful and attentive to each other. By adding new experiences slowly, you’ll keep intimacy fresh while strengthening the trust and connection that make experimentation so rewarding.

Keep Curiosity at the Center

The real magic of sex toys lies not in the objects themselves, but in the experiences they create. With open communication and a playful spirit, you can use toys to grow closer, discover new pleasures, and keep intimacy alive.

Sex toys for couples are not about replacing intimacy—they’re about expanding it. From a bullet vibrator during foreplay to app-connected toys that bridge the miles, each step you take is an opportunity to grow closer, laugh more, and discover new ways to enjoy one another.

Stay curious, communicate openly, and move at your own pace. With that mindset, every new toy becomes less about the product and more about the experience you create together.