The Naked Truth: Why Faking Orgasms Does More Harm Than Good

Published: December 12, 2023 (Updated: October 16, 2026)

---

We may make money when readers purchase items through our links. Disclosure

---

Have you ever found yourself caught in the throes of passion, but instead of embracing the authentic ecstasy, you ended up playing the Oscar-worthy role of ‘satisfied lover’? Welcome to the not-so-secret club of those who fake orgasms. While it may seem harmless or even occasionally necessary, this act masks a detrimental effect on your sexual health, relationship, and self-esteem.

Let’s tackle this topic by first saying that while orgasms are great and sometimes referred to as “finishing” they are NOT the finish line. Sex is awesome. With an orgasm, without an orgasm, or with many many orgasms😜. You are absolutely not required to cum. Sometimes I orgasm once and I am pretty done, other times I want to cum a lot, and sometimes I just don’t really want to. Recognizing that these are all normal feelings is important! Just as important as being able to tell your partner which one you are feeling.

Have a talk with your partner, or slide it in during your fun and see how it goes. You can test the waters and make it sexy! “I just want to make you cum” “I don’t want to cum, i just want to feel you” “I want to cum again for you.” Get creative and Have fun!

If you’ve faked it, you have a LOT of company. In a nationally representative U.S. survey of 1,008 women, 58.8% had faked an orgasm at some point ( Herbenick et al., 2019 ). And yes, men too: in one college study, 25% of men had faked it, next to 50% of women ( Muehlenhard & Shippee, 2010 ). That includes me 🙁.

Now for the good news! In that same survey, two out of three women who had ever faked it (67.3%) don’t anymore.

So lets dive in.

Awkward Encounters

Let’s talk about why fake orgasms are not a good idea. Even in fleeting encounters, faking an orgasm is the same as lying and saying something turns you on when really it doesn’t.

I have an embarrassing example of this in my life:
For a while I was just kind of enjoying my time with a pretty cool guy, nothing serious. And then this horrifying thing happened where I faked one and my occasional partner at the time, not so humble-bragged to his buddies in front of me. Ugh now on top of the unremarkable experience of faking it (kind of annoying) I had to publicly pat him on the back to avoid embarrassing him. Instant regret 😣. Now that thing he tried that he thought was so effective… It’s his new favorite. I made that bed huh? I opted to no longer lie in it. Now I sure hope that has never happened to any readers, and if something like that has, I am soooooo sorry.

Communication and honest dialogue are the key things in any healthy relationship: friendships, boy/girl friends, husbands/wives, anything. Faking an orgasm is not honesty, in fact, it’s a pretty showy lie. Whether you weren’t feeling like it or what was happening just wasn’t doing it for you, you don’t want to hurt your partner’s feelings, etc. Lying isn’t the answer you want to go with.

Mixed Signals

If you aren’t having conversations about what you like and want, then all your partner has to go on is your actions. When you fake an orgasm, your actions are lying. How can you ever expect them to puzzle out the thing you want, like, or need to get that big O?

If you are faking your orgasms because that in and out just doesn’t do it for you ladies? Congratulations you are normal! In a nationally representative U.S. survey of 1,055 women, only 18.4% said intercourse alone was enough for them to orgasm ( Herbenick et al., 2018 ). That does not make you difficult, nor is it anything you should be ashamed of. You just need a little extra stimulation in the form of other erogenous zones. And having a hard time getting there with a partner is exactly what predicts faking it: in a study of 1,168 Hungarian women, orgasm trouble during partnered sex was the most consistent predictor of who faked ( Hevesi et al., 2021 ). That’s not a you problem, it’s a gap that a LOT of women are in, and we break it all down in the orgasm gap, explained.

The stats are in your favor there too! More than a third of women in that survey said they need clitoral stimulation during intercourse, and another third said it makes orgasm better. If you aren’t comfortable asking for help there, or your partner isn’t doing it just right, feel free to help yourself 😏. In my experience, most LOVE the sight of you getting pleasure, and you get the opportunity to showcase exactly how you like it without saying that. And don’t be afraid to bring toys into the mix, they can be fun for everyone involved! There are little bullet vibes or larger wands that are easy to use during sex as well as cock-rings with little vibes on them meant to offer clitoral stimulation. Creative fuckers have also come out with some female wearables that can be worn during sex like the We-Vibe Sync Lite , which curves to rest against the g-spot and clit, offering vibes for both you and your partner. Sex toys make great companions, not competitors.

Remember if you are faking orgasms to help your partner get off or help them feel good about themselves, in a healthy relationship, they want you to feel those things too. No one can be expected to help solve a problem that they don’t know exists. If your partner wants to get it right, send them to our guide on how to help your partner orgasm 😉.

Men Do It Too

Now… There are some arguably positive reasons to fake orgasms. Believe it or not, men are more likely to fake them for positive reasons than women . Unsurprisingly you can blame “social norms” and mis-informed ideas.

Contrary to the popular misconception that men can get off as long as they find their partner attractive and good in bed, men are affected by outside factors just like women! More than just the good ole whiskey dick, both men and women are affected by stress, exhaustion, alcohol, and medication, as well as just general headspace. Unfortunately the belief that men aren’t often leads their partner to wonder if it is their fault: Enter the male “fakegasm”. Yep, according to numerous studies, this is the most common reason men fake it, to prevent their partner from thinking it is their fault. While this is a very sweet and noble reason, it’s not the best we can do!

Just Talk It Out

Allow me to reiterate that a need to fake an orgasm is a failing in communication. And it’s a really common one! More than half of women in that big U.S. survey (55.4%) had wanted to tell a partner something about sex and didn’t. The top reasons were not wanting to hurt their partner’s feelings (42.4%), not feeling comfortable going into detail (40.2%), and embarrassment (37.7%). The women who still faked it were more likely to be embarrassed talking about sex in explicit ways, and less likely to feel they could talk with their partner about what makes sex better ( Herbenick et al., 2019 ).

Also that it is perfectly normal to crave sexual intimacy with or without orgasms! Enjoy the ride, orgasms aren’t a finish line. If you can tell your partner “I’m not sure I can cum, but I really want this” you’ll find that this can go a long way in reducing the stress and anxiety you feel to perform, and unsurprisingly may even make it easier to orgasm for both men and women. You have effectively relieved the pressure on yourself to perform, reassured your partner that this is an outside force and not them, and reassured them that you still want to be intimate. ✨Communication Magic✨

I’ve Been There Too

When it comes to Wolf and I, so far, there is truly nothing I’ve found that we can’t talk about… And still, even I, in all this knowledge and experience: get frustrated, fall victim to my own brain, outside forces, and performance anxiety. Let me take you on a trip to a memory of mine:

We were thoroughly enjoying ourselves, and I was pretty up there on the climb to an orgasm and I wanted it bad. 🥴 My memory is a little fuzzy here… but i remember being SO CLOSE… And then I was so close.. And so close.. Perceptive as he is, he noticed and tried to help. Said and did the things that normally would’ve done me in.

Except this time they didn’t. Grabbed a toy for help, it didn’t help either. I was so frustrated! I was so upset with myself and embarrassed, like ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?! He looked at me and I instantly felt the tears in my eyes.

He grabbed a blanket and snuggled up with me and we talked. There wasn’t really anything wrong, I was just having trouble. I was literally trying so hard that I couldn’t 🤦 I managed to give myself performance anxiety, real professional huh? 😂 After 10- 15 minutes of a little couples TLC, it took maybe 5 minutes of effort.

It happens, it can happen, to anyone, for seemingly no reason at all. Understanding and communication are your greatest tools, don’t let being too afraid to use them become your flaw.

Be Healthy

There are a few other reasons to fake it that I have chosen not to dig into in this article as The Strawberry Patch exists to promote a healthy, happy, and sex positive environment both on the site and in your life. That is to say: you should not feel obligated, threatened, or pressured into any sexual relations. If open communication does not seem to be something you can accomplish with your partner on your own you should seek professional help. If you fear what may happen if you refuse sexual relations there are helplines and foundations for every situation.

If you think you have trouble orgasming, more than usual and despite best efforts, you should speak to your doctor about it. There are medical reasons you may have trouble from conditions to medications, and they are trained and available to help you with those problems. Your sexual health is still your health and your doctor can still be a great asset!

If you aren’t sure who to call or where to start, you can call the victim connect center at 1-855-484-2846 and they can help connect you with a local helpline for your situation.

Wrapping Up

In conclusion, sexual experiences shouldn’t be defined solely by the ‘finish line’ of an orgasm. Each moment of sexual intimacy carries its own unique joy and pleasure. No one should feel pressured or obligated to orgasm. Communicating openly with your partner about your desires and comfort levels is key in maintaining a healthy and satisfying sexual relationship.

The reality is, everybody is different, and each person requires a unique set of conditions to reach the peak of orgasm. It’s okay if you can’t orgasm from certain activities or if you need additional stimulation. Importantly, remember that faking orgasms does a disservice to both you and your partner, leading to miscommunication and potential dissatisfaction.

Anxiety, stress, medications, and countless other factors may also play a role in one’s ability to orgasm, regardless of gender. Consider seeking medical help if you’re experiencing difficulties, as professional guidance can greatly assist in managing these issues.

Sex should be enjoyable, and everyone involved should feel excited, comfortable, and free in expressing their desires. Don’t hesitate to seek help if you find yourself in a situation where you feel endangered or pressured into anything. Remember, you deserve safe, pleasurable, and consensual sexual experiences.

We’ll be featuring many more articles here on The Strawberry Patch about relationships, communication, and techniques to help push your partner over the edge into orgasmic bliss. So be sure to check back soon, and until then…

Stay naughty 😘

Strawberry Angel 🍓😇